Jeff
Keller

How Are You?

Nearly every time you meet a customer or prospect, one of you says, "How Are You?" and the other answers, "Fine. How are you?" What a wasted opportunity! After reading this article, the next time someone asks you that question, you'll know how to respond in a way that creates a much more positive and powerful interaction.

When someone asks, How are you? what do you say? Your answer to this question is usually no more than a few words. And yet, that short response tells a lot about you and your attitude.

I've observed that the responses to How are you? can be classified into three categories: negative, mediocre and positive. The negative replies include phrases such as lousy, terrible and it's not my day. Those in the mediocre group will typically respond with okay (in a listless, uninterested voice), not too bad or could be worse.

Then, there's the positive approach. These are the enthusiastic people who respond: Excellent!, Terrific!, Super! or Fantastic! They have a bounce in their step and you feel a little better just by being around them. (Note: the phrase fine straddles the fence between mediocre and positive -- it all depends on the energy and enthusiasm of the speaker.)

Into which category do you fall? If you are in the negative or mediocre group, I suggest that you immediately consider revising your response and joining the ranks of the positive. Here's why. When you are asked How are you? and you say horrible or not too bad, your physiology is adversely affected. You tend to slump your shoulders and head and take on a depressed posture.

And what about your emotions? After stating that you are lousy, do you feel better? Of course not. You feel even more down in the dumps because negative words and thoughts generate negative feelings and, eventually, negative results. It's a vicious cycle!

And it's up to you to break it. Even if real circumstances in your life persuaded you to state that you are lousy -- perhaps a promising business deal fell through, or your child received poor grades in school -- your gloomy attitude does nothing to improve the situation. And to make matters worse, your mediocre or negative reply turns others off; they are dragged down just being around you and hearing your pessimism.

If all of these negative consequences flow from your words, why do you continue to say them? More than likely, it's because you haven't recognized that you have a choice in the matter. Instead, you're following a habit that you developed many years ago -- a habit that no longer serves you.

You see, your own words are a self-fulfilling prophecy -- if you say everything is terrible, your mind is attracted to those people and circumstances that will cause that statement to be true. If, on the other hand, you repeatedly state that your life is Wonderful! your mind will begin to move you in a positive direction.

For instance, just consider what happens when you respond that you are Excellent! or Terrific! As you say these words, your physiology begins to correspond with your optimistic language. Your posture is more upright. Other people are attracted to your energy and vitality. Your business and personal relationships improve. Will all of your life's problems magically disappear? No, but you've set in motion a very important principle: we get what we expect in life.

Even if you presently use positive words when someone asks How are you?, you can further improve your situation by raising your reply by a notch or two. For instance, if you usually say fine, begin to say that you're Excellent! or Great! You'll be amazed at how different you feel, and how people respond even more positively to you.

For the next month, try this experiment. When anyone asks How are you?, whether it's someone at work or a cashier at the store, respond with energy and enthusiasm that you're Excellent! or Terrific! Say it with a smile and a sparkle in your eye. It doesn't matter whether or not you completely and totally feel terrific at that moment. Simply apply the act-as-if principle. (In other words, if you want to be more positive, act as if you already are and, pretty soon, you'll find that you have, in fact, become more positive.)

Don't worry if you feel a little uncomfortable saying these words at the beginning. Stick with it and eventually you'll grow into it. You'll quickly notice that you feel better, that others respond to you in a more positive manner and that positive results start to come your way.

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